While every marriage has the occasional spat, far more damaging than the fight itself is holding onto a grudge or negative feelings.  It can be hard to let go of something and one or both of you may have trouble with that.

The fight is like a wound to the relationship, but it heals over time — holding on to a grudge is a poison that will eat away at your relationship for as long as it lasts.

Learning to Let Go

Why can’t you/they just drop it?  First of all, you should try and analyze whether the argument is really about what it seems to be on surface level.  Often an argument will be a symptom of some other issue, and the first step in addressing it is recognizing that fact and then trying to identify what the real issue is.

As difficult as it may be, this is something you should try and do together.  Communication is key, and if you’ve both fought, it’s important to verbalize what the true issue really is.  If you are still angry or holding a grudge it may be that the issue has not yet been resolved.  Just because a fight has ended doesn’t mean a resolution has been found – most often, it hasn’t.

Here is where you both need time to cool off, think rationally, and then approach the problem again without letting things get heated.  This is really tough, but if you try and keep in mind you are partners tackling a problem together, communicating over the issue should be easier.

Marriage can be difficult but make sure to avoid the dangerous poison of hanging onto grudges.  Bandage the wounds from a fight and turn them into an opportunity to strengthen your marriage.  Learn how to let go of these issues instead of allowing them to separate you from your spouse.